


So heavy in your arms

by pinkhimchanism



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jiyong is working in a coffee shop, M/M, One Night Stands, Seungri is a rich heir and a student, Sex but not graphic??, and also studying, idk - Freeform, idk why this resembles a kdrama, it's kinda like in the background??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 04:35:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12976047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkhimchanism/pseuds/pinkhimchanism
Summary: Spilling coffee over rich and infamous heir Seungri in Jiyong's work place, a coffee shop, is really a bit too much like a drama. Jiyong hates it.He also hates everything that follows after.Including whatever it is that's between them.Probably.(Alternatively: Jiyong has vowed to hate Seungri but things don't go as planned; Seungri is angsty; Seunghyun is a Good Friend and loves Daesung; Taeyang is abroad but still trying to support Jiyong)





	So heavy in your arms

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from [ Heavy in your Arms ](https://youtu.be/lOfjYc8jIJg) by Florence + The Machine which also inspired me to write this.

“That’s him,” Seunghyun had whispered on approximately the second day of university. Jiyong had looked up from the map that he had acquired the day before. It showed the whole campus and Jiyong hoped it would lower the chances of him getting lost.

“That’s who?” Jiyong asked, rather clueless back then. Seunghyun rolled his eyes at him, Jiyong was obviously missing something very obvious, at least in Seunghyun’s opinion. Jiyong raised an eyebrow and just looked at him questioningly, making the other man sigh.

“That’s Lee Seunghyun, apparently called Seungri. That’s what I heard from Dara. He’s filthy rich, owns a few clubs around here, apparently little presents from his dad so he can try out running a business before he gets to play with the big company.” Seunghyun snorted, making his contempt rather obvious. “He does some economy course, all the lecturers apparently suck up to him, other students as well. Rich baby boy gets it all.”

Jiyong had looked back to the man who was maybe a few years younger than Jiyong and Seunghyun themselves but that was because they had had to build up some money on their bank account before they could even think of going to any university at all. That Seungri guy probably had never worried about money a single day in his entire life.

Jiyong looked Seungri up and down as he walked past, surrounded by some boys and girls, one girl hanging off each of his arms. He had a nice ass though, Jiyong had to admit that.

 

 

“Are you fucking insane?!” The platinum blonde man in front of him hissed. And maybe Jiyong could understand why the rich heir that Seunghyun and him had decided to despise on their second day of university, about a year prior, was angry.

Jiyong had, after all, just spilled the coffee he had made for him over Seungri’s shirt as he had tripped on his way to his table. Seungri had stood up, dabbing at his shirt with a paper towel as the man Seungri had coffee with just watched, embarrassed at having the attention of the entire café drawn to their table.

Jiyong himself stood frozen to the spot until he remembered he was supposed to apologise, probably. “I’m sorry, man, I tripped. I’ll make you a new coffee, on the house of course. He whipped out the towel he had with him and reached out to dab at the spilled coffee on Seungri’s trousers because the paper towel was flaking already, too soaked up with coffee to do any good at all at this point.

Seungri pushed his hand away with more force than necessary. “Don’t make it worse than it already is. I should talk to your manager and make him deduct the price of this shirt from your salary.”

“Fucking do it, then,” Jiyong hissed before he could even think this through. He had no idea how much Seungri’s shirt was, but he had an idea it was more than his monthly share of the apartment’s rent he lived in together with Seunghyun.

Both men glared at each other then and finally Seungri snorted and walked away into the direction of the bathrooms. Jiyong was left with Seungri’s companion and the stares of the entire café. He couldn’t wait to be the talk of the campus. With a sigh he wiped up the coffee that had spilled on the table and floor. Slowly, the tense silence in the café was solved again and Jiyong relaxed a little.

He didn’t look at Seungri when he served the second coffee and the other man didn’t say a thing.

 

 

When he met Chaerin for lunch the next day, she grinned and Jiyong suspected the worst.

“Hello, celebrity,” she greeted him as she hugged him, and he sat down opposite her.

“Why am I a celebrity? Do I want to know?”

“Oh, because you yelled at Seungri after you spilled coffee on him. People think you might have slept with him and are now disappointed because he has moved on, but you thought you were special.” She was having a field day and Jiyong wanted to die.

“I did not sleep with him. And I am special.”

“That, Kwon Jiyong, I know. You’re very special. And if you ever sleep with Seungri, I want details.”

“You will get them. All of them. Dick size, technique, sounds he is making. In extreme detail. Until you beg for me to stop.”

“You know how to make me happy.” She grinned and Jiyong dropped his head to the table, wishing for death to come get him early.

 

 

“Jiyong! I didn’t know you blew Seungri in the toilets of the economics building!” Seunghyun said by way of greeting, barely looking up from his book.  
“That’s because I didn’t. I am classy. I don’t blow anyone in the toilets of the economics building.”

 

 

Wherever Jiyong went, the rumours followed him. He was quite unsure how many sex acts he had done with Seungri according to legend, but he was very sure that he was becoming annoyed by all the whispering and stares that followed him anywhere he went.

He sometimes hated university. It was a pain in the ass and he hoped something new would happen soon so they would just shut up. Seunghyun had suggested to burn down a building but Jiyong was still considering the pros and cons of that. It probably didn’t help his case that his orange dyed hair stood out like a sore thumb in the crowd of people on campus. It was alerting everyone to his presence and while Jiyong still thought he rocked the colour, he did consider dying it back to black. But then again, he wouldn’t dye his hair any other colour because of some rich brat.

 

 

Every time Seungri came to the café after The Coffee Incident as Jiyong called it in his head, he felt quite awkward when he had to serve him. It wasn’t that he was rude or as stiff as Jiyong probably was, but there was this perpetual smirk on his face and some mischievous glint in his eyes that he only knew from Seunghyun and that usually only came out when shit was about to go down. Jiyong had long since learned that this glint usually meant that he should get his ass as far away from Seunghyun as possible. But when he had to do his job, that was pretty difficult to do.

To Seungri’s credit though, Jiyong’s salary had stayed the same. No expensive shirts had been detracted, he had not even been admonished even though Jiyong didn’t doubt a second that with how many rumours floated around campus, his manager had to know.

And then it happened.

“Jiyong,” Seungri said when he put his cup of coffee down in front of Seungri and one in front of his – today female – companion.

“Yes? How may I help you? Some snack?”

Seungri’s smirk deepened. “I’ll throw a party in my club this Friday. You want to come? You can also bring friends, if you want to. I’ll put you on the VIP list.”

Jiyong raised an eyebrow. “Why would you invite me? I’m a pop music major and not one of your fancy friends.”

Seungri shrugged and sipped on his cup of coffee. It was fascinating how the far too hot coffee didn’t seem to burn his mouth. “I heard a lot about you. I’m curious. And you’re cute.”

Jiyong internally groaned. If the girl’s expression was anything to go by, just this afternoon the rumours would become worse again. Fuck it.

“What you heard is nothing but rumours though. We both know I didn’t blow you in the toilets of the economics building. I did, in fact, not blow you at all. Or see you naked for that matter.” Seungri laughed out loud at that.

“I heard I bent you over one of the desks in the lecture halls, you know? I can’t remember that either. Too bad.” Jiyong could feel a blush creeping up his face at that.

“I’ll think about the party,” Jiyong choked out and turned around, fleeing into the safety of the kitchen. Wow. That had been really smooth.

 

 

On Friday, Jiyong cursed every single one of his decisions and especially Choi Seunghyun and Lee Chaerin, who had dragged him to Seungri’s cursed party. The one he hadn’t wanted to attend. The two of them had insisted though and told him it would be fun. And when would they ever get such a good chance again? Never, that was when. And so here Jiyong was, in too tight jeans and his favourite leather jacket over a pretty loose top. Go big or go home.

The party was loud, as was expected if Jiyong was honest with himself, and after the three of them had gotten a cocktail for strength, Jiyong tried his luck with the VIP area. When he had thought it had been a joke on Seungri’s part to embarrass Jiyong when trying to get access, he had been wrong. They got in without any problem and there they were.

It didn’t take long for Jiyong to spot Seungri. He was pretty much the centre piece of the whole room, surrounded by pretty men and women and sipping on a glass of what was probably champagne. Jiyong sipped on his gin tonic and rolled his eyes. Champagne. Probably expensive too. He snorted one last time before he went to look for his friends again.

All in all, the night was pretty uneventful. Jiyong drank a few more cocktails than he probably should, noticing the way he seemed lighter than usually, maybe a bit slower. He enjoyed himself on the dance floor, his leather jacket long since abandoned in some check room.

Wandering hands found their way over his hips, along his ribs, some on his ass. Someone kissed his neck and Jiyong gave a small moan as he tipped his head to the side. Turned around, kissed back, deeply, tasted the bitter flavour of alcohol on the stranger’s tongue. His own hands slipped down the man’s back, to his ass. He giggled into the other’s mouth. He could feel the bass of the loud music making his feet tingle and he nuzzled against the man’s neck, sucking and biting. The stranger groaned and tugged on his hand. “Come on, pretty,” he whispered into Jiyong’s ear and his breath tickled lightly, making him giggle again.

The kisses they shared in the bathroom were messy, open-mouthed. Jiyong groaned when a hand slipped under his shirt, wandering, making him lean into the touch as he gripped the stranger’s hair and ground against his thigh. Soon enough, Jiyong was on his knees, going down on the stranger, one hand braced against his thigh, the other in his own pants. Lewd sounds filled the bathroom and Jiyong thought he heard the door open, only for hasty footsteps to distance themselves again.

It was, of course, Seungri, he bumped into as he left the bathroom after the stranger he had just blown. He was well aware his hair was a mess where the stranger had buried his hands in it. He licked over his swollen lips and grinned at Seungri. “Thanks for inviting me, Seungri,” he said with a grin. Seungri’s eyes didn’t leave his lips the entire time he spoke.

“I see you’re having fun.”

“Mm, yes, I am. The whole point of a party, isn’t it?” Jiyong grinned and wondered if it was his still lightly intoxicated brain that told him Seungri seemed slightly unhappy for some reason or if it was real.

“I guess it is.” Seungri grabbed two flutes of champagne from a passing waiter’s tray. As the boss of the establishment Seungri could probably do that, Jiyong guessed. “Want one, Jiyong?” He asked, his playboy grin back in place. He wondered how not one strand of Seungri’s blonde hair was out of place after hours of being present at a party. Jiyong accepted the champagne and sipped. “Thank you very much.”

He was unsure whether he wanted to know the exact price of the bottle from which his beverage came but it was admittedly really good. Seungri raised his glass towards Jiyong, then sipped himself.

“I’m going to go find my friends,” Jiyong said after a few moments of intense eye contact and awkward silence.

 

 

Jiyong felt ready to die the next morning. The light was too bright, any sounds at all too loud and Seunghyun didn’t even try to be quiet while he was making what was probably lunch, but probably a lunch that also functioned as breakfast. Jiyong groaned and pulled his bed sheets over his face, hoping that death would claim him already. His head was pounding, and he felt vaguely sick but maybe if he didn’t move, his sickness wouldn’t notice he was awake and therefore not make him rush to the bathroom to throw up.

After some time Jiyong acknowledged his human need to actually eat something and got up with a groan, steadying himself with one hand on his night stand when the whole room seemed to spin dangerously. When that had settled down, Jiyong walked towards the kitchen/living room where Seunghyun had indeed made lunch. Or what he claimed was lunch: a shit ton of waffles.

“Morning, Ji,” he said as he looked up from his phone. To Jiyong’s relief he didn’t sound totally chipper either. At least he wasn’t the only one to suffer then.

“Morning, Seunghyun. Mind if I steal waffles?”

“Nah, I made more than I need because I’m a good flat mate and because you were pretty wasted last night when we finally got home.”

Jiyong made himself a mug of instant coffee. As much as he preferred actual coffee, this one was cheaper and quicker and that was what he needed right now. “I was? Can’t say I remember everything. I remember blowing that guy in the bathroom. Remember getting champagne from Seungri.”

“He spent the rest of the evening cockblocking you about which you lamented loudly and often. Though I do agree that getting off once a night should be enough.”

“I can get off as many times as I damn well please,” Jiyong grumbled, faintly remembering some bits and pieces of the night before.

 

 

As he had predicted, the rumours about him had become even worse after his night spent in the VIP lounge of Seungri’s night club. When he ventured out of their apartment for the first time after the party night on Monday, he could hear the whispers had become even worse.

Maybe complaining about being cockblocked had not been the best idea but then again, he had been drunk so who could blame him? It still was annoying though, so he relished in his small moment of triumph as he served a small groups of friends their sandwiches and told them that he had not, in fact, ever had had something with Lee Seunghyun. They at least had the decency to look embarrassed but after a small moment of silence they started whispering again and Jiyong sighed and went to aggressively wipe the coffee machine.

 

 

Seunghyun had far too much fun with getting the latest gossip about Jiyong’s now infamous sex life. On the one hand it was annoying, on the other hand he couldn’t deny there was something amusing about it. Now that the rumour had been going on for a few weeks though, the annoying side of things was starting to outweigh the other. The fact that Seungri wouldn’t stop coming to the café was not helping Jiyong’s case at all. Sometimes Jiyong wondered whether he should just accidentally spill more coffee over Seungri. Accidentally on purpose. Maybe then he would just leave and not come back again. On the other hand, Jiyong had this feeling that it would only increase Seungri’s interest in him – or whatever Seungri was interested in.

“You know, you’re still on the VIP list for the club, Jiyongie.”

“’Jiyongie’? Seriously?”

“Yes. Anyway, VIP list. So come around again. It seemed you had fun the last time. Your friends, Seunghyun and Chaerin, are also fixed names on the VIP list by the way.”

“Is that your attempt at actually getting me into your bed?”

Seungri didn’t even flinch and just sipped on his coffee. “Maybe. Come and find out.”

Jiyong groaned. Seungri was driving him insane. It was amazing what kind of influence the younger man had on him. Jiyong hated every minute of it.

 

 

Jiyong tried his hardest to get this stupid melody to work. It just wouldn’t. There was something missing and he couldn’t even tell what it was. Of course he could just ask Seunghyun what he thought but he was stubborn and for now, he wanted to figure it out himself, however long it would take him. And if he worked through the entire night, he wouldn’t care either. He had enough coffee, energy drinks and candy bars to last him through the next few days at least. It definitely wasn’t the healthiest way to deal with his stress but then again, he was young and stupid so why not act like it once in a while? Plus, it was actually for a good reason for a change. Not like when he had gotten drunk as shit almost two weeks before at Seungri’s party.

Ugh. Seungri. He still wasn’t sure whether he should go to the next party or not. It would make the rumours worse and it was probably exactly what Seungri wanted and everything in him screamed when he thought about doing something Seungri wanted. Seunghyun would probably say it was his stubbornness, and he probably wasn’t wrong. Still, Jiyong thought when it came to being stubborn, Seunghyun was hardly someone to talk at all. The last time Jiyong had been at the party though, it had been fun, he couldn’t deny that. Jiyong grunted and let his forehead drop to his desk, cursing quietly when that made some of his coffee spill on his desk.

 

 

In the end, it was Seunghyun who dragged him to the club again. He had met someone and not going the week before had driven him up the wall enough as it was, but now… now Seunghyun really wanted to go, especially when Jiyong had been stupid enough to tell him about their fixed VIP status in the Monkey Museum as Seungri’s night club was called for whatever reason.

So there Jiyong was there again, in between sweaty bodies, dancing, drinking much less this time around. He could still vividly remember the Saturday that had followed his first time here. It had been horrible and Jiyong really didn’t need a repeat performance of that.

Seunghyun had disappeared to gods know where as soon as they had entered the VIP lounge and Jiyong hadn’t asked. They weren’t fifteen and in a club for the first time, teenagers in awe. They were grown men and besides, it would be awkward to find someone for the night if Seunghyun was standing next to him the whole time, dancing awkwardly. He was pretty sure though he had seen him somewhere with a man whose hair colour was not to be defined in the weird light of the club. Might be grey, might be blue, might be something in between or something entirely else.

Jiyong had better things to think about at the moment though, like the hands on his hips that pulled him flush against a chest, a crotch. Jiyong let his head drop to a shoulder and kissed at a throat, grinning and just letting go for once.

Then though, the hands dropped their grip on his hips and the man stepped back, leaving Jiyong’s back cold and his lips pouting. He turned around and raised an eyebrow when he saw Seungri talking to the man who looked vaguely terrified even though Seungri was still smiling. But considering the smile was somewhere between sweet and predatory, Jiyong couldn’t blame the stranger.

“Hello Jiyong,” Seungri said with a grin. “Thought we could dance?”

Jiyong raised an eyebrow. “You could have just asked me, dick.”

Seungri gasped in mock hurt and put a hand over his chest. “You can’t call the host of the party names, Jiyong.”

“Watch me,” he said, staring right at Seungri who didn’t drop his gaze either. “Now that you made my partner run, what do you propose to do?”

“I was about to suggest I’d dance with you, if you don’t mind, Mr Kwon.”

“Mr Kwon? Can you ever actually call me by my name?”

“That’s for special occasions,” Seungri said with a grin as he pulled Jiyong’s back flush against his chest, mimicking the pose in which Jiyong and the stranger had been before. Jiyong absent-mindedly noticed Seungri’s Eau de Toilette. It had no right to smell this intoxicating.

“Now, is dancing with me that bad?” Seungri whispered into his ear, then gently mouthed at his ear, drawing a gasp from Jiyong much to his own dismay. He quickly silenced himself and bit his lip and ground his ass against Seungri’s crotch in retaliation which earned him a gasp. Jiyong smirked. Good.

“I mean, I imagined it would be worse,” he answered.

“Oh, only better than imagined?” Seungri asked and kissed Jiyong’s neck. At this exact moment Jiyong decided to fuck it and just go with it. He turned around and looked at Seungri.  
“Well, prove to me how good you are, then.” He said, the challenge clear.

“Fine,” Seungri mumbled and then his lips were on Jiyong’s and he kissed back, slipping his hands under Seungri’s shirt.

 

 

Jiyong lay in Seungri’s far too big bed and stared at the ceiling. The other man had fallen asleep some time ago, lying on his stomach, the sheets tangled around his middle. Jiyong had not been surprised by Seungri’s penthouse, not really. Not that he had been entirely concentrated on the apartment when Seungri had him pressed against the door right after it had closed and kissed the living daylights out of him. They had desperately undressed each other, one button from Seungri’s shirt ripped off. “You have a thing for destroying my clothes, don’t you?” Seungri whispered, breathless, and chuckled when Jiyong rolled his eyes and decided to shut the other man up with a kiss.

Now he lay in the bed of the man who was still a stranger and sighed lightly to himself. At least the rumours would have one thing right now. Now he had actually slept with Seungri. And Chaerin would insist upon all the details because no way was she not going to know he had made out with that rich heir in the middle of the dancefloor. It had admittedly not been very subtle.

Still, Jiyong thought he’d better leave before morning. It had been sex, just that, nothing more, nothing less. Okay, it had been good sex and Jiyong had enjoyed himself, but still. He got up as quietly as possible and made his way over to the bathroom which was entirely too big for one person. Jiyong thought it was about the same size as the living room in the flat he shared with Seunghyun. Ridiculous. He shamelessly used the probably disgustingly expensive shampoo he found in the shower.

 

 

When he left the bathroom, a quick look on his phone told him it was almost 5am by now. As quietly as possible he got dressed and sneaked out of Seungri’s apartment. The security man at the door just watched him leave quietly, hardly looking up from the book. The short, cursory glance he gave him made Jiyong feel slightly insecure though. He seemed to be one of many people who left the apartment in the wee hours of the morning and Jiyong pulled his jacket more tightly around himself. Whatever, he shouldn’t care. It was not his first one night stand, he was grown up and he could deal with meaningless sex, even though his confidence level was not the highest.

 

 

He was glad Seunghyun was not awake anymore when he came back. He was sprawled out over the couch, still in the clothes from the party. Jiyong tip-toed past him and into his room, dropping into bed and almost immediately falling asleep.

 

 

“You look, once again, like shit, Jiyong,” Seunghyun announced when Jiyong wandered out of his room to grab some coffee and something edible around noon. “And you have a hickey on your neck.”

Jiyong immediately put a hand over the side of his neck that Seunghyun indicated and groaned. “He fucking marked me. Son of a bitch,” Jiyong grumbled and put his mug down harder on the table than was strictly necessary. “Also, I want a new friend. You constantly insult me,” he grumbled and pointed at Seunghyun who just cackled, the asshole.

Jiyong would make him pay. That much was sure. Seunghyun, impervious to Jiyong’s glares, sat down next to him, propped his chin on his hands and looked at him. After a few moments of just staring, Jiyong sighed.

“What?”

“Is that hickey from Seungri? I couldn’t find you anymore yesterday, so I went home alone. Did he fuck you?”

Jiyong groaned again. It was too early for this. “Yes, he fucked me. Real good. On his luxurious satin sheets and it was so fucking good, Seunghyun, but if you tell him that, I will personally make sure you will find a gruesome end. Anyway, I left before he could wake up again. Used his expensive shampoo before that though.” Jiyong took a big gulp from his coffee as he saw how Seunghyun pretty much looked like the Cheshire cat personified by now. Maybe he should spike his coffee with some rum or something along those lines. He would need it.

 

 

He had been right. He did need alcohol more dearly than he thought. After having to relay really each and every detail about his night with Seungri to Chaerin, he had to go back to work on Monday.

If he had thought the whispers had been bad before, now they were at a new high. He had even gotten some whispered insult from one girl for having been with Seungri. Jiyong was far too dumbfounded to even reply to that. His co-worker, some freshman called Minhyuk, looked confused at first, then laughed and took over the order for which Jiyong was grateful. Taking over the order, not the laugh, mind you.

And of course, to make the day just perfect, Seungri came around, like he did every day at approximately the same time. Jiyong had wondered if it was just to rile him up or if he really just liked the café.

“Jiyongie…” Seungri said with the biggest smile he could muster apparently. Jiyong huffed.

“What’s with that nickname?”

Seungri ignored his question and Jiyong had not really expected a reply anyway. “Nice scarf, Jiyong,” he said with a smirk and god damn, he knew exactly why he was wearing the scarf. Jiyong could feel his face heating up. Damn Seungri. “Anyway, didn’t have time to give you this the other night. My number.” He handed over a business card that probably was for the club but when Jiyong reluctantly took the card – because what else was he supposed to do? – he saw that Seungri had scribbled his private number down in the corner. _Call or text me if you want to meet up again. I’d love to. XX Seungri_

Jiyong rolled his eyes. Kisses. How old were they? He had half the mind to drop it into the next trash can but then he decided to just put it into his trouser pocket and probably forget I there. Seungri smirked but Jiyong raised an eyebrow and just put his Americano down in front of him, wordlessly.

He sure as hell would not text Seungri. And if it was the last thing he did.

 

 

It happened again the next Friday. They met in the club, Seungri took him home, made him scream and Jiyong tip-toed out of the rich man’s penthouse in the dead of night, the security man giving him another one of his cursory glances, making Jiyong once again aware of the fact he was only one of many people who Seungri slept with. But Jiyong had known what he was doing when he got into this and again, he was old enough.

 

 

“You like the attention he gives you,” Seunghyun said with a smirk. “You like the way he looks at you, the way you two bicker and banter.”

Jiyong glared at Seunghyun and wondered if he should just leave him to have a movie night on his own. But then again Jiyong actually wanted to see the movie and it wasn’t like Seunghyun was wrong. He just didn’t want to admit it. Jiyong decided smothering Seunghyun with a pillow as any sensible adult would.

 

 

Alcohol made people do things they regretted.  
  
[23:17 To: Seungri] you fucking branded me with hickeys you ass  
  
[23:17 To: Seungri] this is kwon jiyong by the way  
  
[23:21 To: Jiyong] i guessed that much tbh (;  
  
[23:22 To Jiyong] you seemed to enjoy yourself so why complain?  
  
[23:27 To: Seungri] youre insufferable, honestly  
  
[23:28 To: Jiyong] thx sweetie xx

 

 

“I miss Youngbae, Seunghyun.”

“I know, I do, too. But he’ll be back soon. He really is happy to do this semester abroad. He said he would be able to learn so much over in LA. Also, aren’t you texting on, like, a daily basis?” Jiyong sighed.

“Yes, we are. I sure as hell wouldn’t have been stupid enough to start something with Seungri of all people and have the entire campus talk about me if he had been here though.”

Seunghyun was quiet for a moment, then he looked over at Jiyong and grinned. “You know, I’m not sure about that. You might either underestimate your own stupidity or overestimate Youngbae’s ability to keep you in line.”

“I don’t even know why I’m friends with you.”

“Because I’m amusing and I’m like the first person you met on campus.”

“Should have watched where I was going, I guess.”

Seunghyun pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You love me, you ungrateful pain in the ass.”

“Sadly, I do,” Jiyong sighed and made a choked noise when Seunghyun squealed and hugged him a little too enthusiastically.

“Man, he did mark you up,” Seunghyun said as Jiyong’s shirt was pulled down over his shoulder a little from Seunghyun’s hug.

Jiyong blushed. “I know. Shut up.”

 

 

[02:38 To: Jiyong] hey wanna grab a pizza?  
  
[02:39 To: Seungri] its almost 3am?? why did you even think i was awake??  
  
[02:39 To: Jiyong] yeah but youre a music major youre automatically a night owl  
  
[02:40 To: Jiyong] you wanna have pizza now or not  
  
[02:41 To: Seungri] fucking fine pick me up (address attached)

 

 

It was about half an hour later that Jiyong sat in Seungri’s sleek black car that seemed far too expensive for a student of any kind and held his cold hands over the heater. “Where do they even sell pizza at 3am?”

Seungri grinned. “Trust me, I know places.”

“There’s things to say that don’t really inspire confidence, you know?” Seungri laughed out loud and Jiyong couldn’t help but grin. He could already feel himself wondering why he was out with Seungri to grab a pizza in the dead of night. But right now, he didn’t actually want to question it all that much.

Jiyong knew he was usually overthinking and for once in his life, he just wanted to be free and to just have a little adventure, even if it was just getting pizza in the middle of the night. Seungri stopped the car not far away and got out. Jiyong climbed out as well, reluctantly giving up his new best friend, the heater in Seungri’s car. He had briefly considered giving it a name but had then decided against it. He would not get attached to the heater in his one (or probably two) night stand’s car. There were lines he would not overstep.

Seungri basically dragged him through a dark alley (wow, so much about inspiring confidence, this looked like the beginning of a crime show and one of the two was going to get their throats cut and would die and the other one would scream for help and-) “We’re here,” Seungri said as he stopped in front of a small building that proclaimed “Pizza,” in bright red neon letters. One of the Zs was broken but it kind of added a certain charm to the place.

“Wouldn’t have taken you for the type to frequent places in some dark alleys.”

“You hardly even know me though so that doesn’t say a lot.”

Jiyong shrugged because really, Seungri was probably right. He yelped a little when he was dragged inside by Seungri a moment later. It did at least smell nice and they were, quite surprisingly, not the only ones to want pizza at this ungodly hour.

 

 

“You’re telling me you had a wholesome 3am-pizza-date with Seungri and then you didn’t fuck, and he just dropped you off at home?”

“Yes?” Seunghyun’s eyes narrowed and he raised an eyebrow, a gesture that usually scared off strangers but was something normal for Jiyong. By now.

“Amazing.” And he walked away, just like that.

 

 

Friday: club, penthouse, sex, shower, sneaking out.

 

 

[01:22 To: Jiyong] you wanna drive somewhere?  
  
[01:23 To: Seungri] now? Where to even?  
  
[01:25 To: Jiyong] yes, now. idk i just dont wanna be alone rn im feeling weird as shit  
  
[01:27 To: Seungri] oh well okay gimme at least 10 tho i look like shit

 

 

“Why do you even ask me to do this stuff with you?” Jiyong said as they stood next to each other on a rooftop in the middle of the city. It was amazing to what Seungri had access.

Seungri was silent for a few moments. He seemed weirdly subdued tonight.

“You don’t tell people.”

“I most certainly do. I tell Seunghyun and he probably tells his new love interest Daesung.”

“Not what I mean. There’s no rumours about Kwon Jiyong, the cute little waiter, having pizza at 3am together with Lee Seunghyun, the rich playboy with a night club.”

Jiyong hummed, understanding what Seungri meant. They were silent for another while until Jiyong broke it with a question that had been bugging him ever since Seungri had texted him earlier.

“Are you okay? I mean, like, truly, actually okay? You said you didn’t want to be alone and that you were feeling weird and now we’re literally on a rooftop.”

Seungri didn’t look at him but didn’t stop him when he put his hand on his shoulder either.  
“I… I am okay, yes. I guess. But thanks for coming.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes. Jiyong wondered what they were. This was no casual fuck relationship type of thing he was doing at this moment. “No, I am not okay, actually. But it’s nothing you have to worry about. Just… thank you for coming with me.”

Jiyong shrugged. He wanted to say something along the lines of _It’s the least I can do_ or _It’s no problem, any time_. But it would not be true. Because they hardly knew each other, in reality, and he didn’t even know why he was doing it for Seungri of all people. He didn’t even want to like him. They had good sex and that was the extent of their relationship.

“My father… he hates every little thing about me.”

Jiyong looked up, unsure what he was supposed to say to that. “My dad died when I was thirteen,” he said instead.

“Oh.” Then: “I’m sorry about that.”

Jiyong shrugged. “Not that it was your fault. He was drunk and had a car accident. Only he got hurt. Only he died.” He rubbed his eyes and looked out over Seoul’s bright lights.

Jiyong got out a cigarette and his lighter, sighing when the smoke filled his lungs. “You want one too?” He offered one to Seungri, but he only shook his head. “I wanted to quit smoking. New Year’s Resolution. It works alright but sometimes I still do it. I guess that’s okay,” Jiyong added.

Seungri only hummed and Jiyong interpreted that as agreement. Maybe because that’s what it actually meant, maybe because he wanted it to mean that.

“Mum’s always drunk. She doesn’t care at all. I’m still required to have dinner with them at least once a week. Dad says it keeps the family together. But he fucks his secretary and I don’t really think that keeps the family together.” Jiyong looked up at Seungri.

“Your life seems perfect from the outside. You have loads of money, loads of people around you, a fucking fancy penthouse, a nice car, a night club… Guess it’s all just make-believe.”

“In all honesty, I sometimes just want to run away and start again.”

“You only say that because you’ve never worked the night shift in a delivery service.” Jiyong took a drag from his cigarette and, a moment later, breathed out the smoke into the night sky.

“I really never have done that. But you’ve never lived with the pressure of having to become the CEO of a really big company one day. And having your father constantly telling you that you’re not good enough for that anyway.”

“Guess that sucks too.”

“Probably sounds like first world problems to you.”  
“Richest 10% of that first world problems, try that. But to be honest, things that are bad for me might not be half as bad for you and the other way round. It’s all a matter of perspective.”

“That’s deep. Are your songs that deep? I mean, you probably write songs in your degree? From all that I have heard.”

“I do. And sometimes I write about that stuff. But not for university. I will certainly not hand my soul to my lecturers on a silver platter.”

Seungri only hummed in reply, still staring out over the city. Jiyong dropped his cigarette to the ground and stepped on it, extinguishing the glow coming from it.

 

 

“Two cups of coffee, please.” Seungri seemed far too pleased when Jiyong took his order.

“You’re alone, idiot. You expecting a second person?”

“No. The second cup is for you?” Jiyong rolled his eyes and snorted.

“You fucked me a few times now, do you really think now is the time to buy me coffee?”

“Ungrateful.”

“Don’t worry, it’s for free, I take basically everything that’s for free. I’m a broke university student.” Jiyong shrugged and went to make Seungri his pretty plain coffee and then something fancy for himself because hell, he wasn’t paying for it, so he could just go wild.

 

 

Jiyong was sweating and panting and sticky from substances he didn’t want to think about too deeply as he rolled off of Seungri and lay down next to him.

“Rude to make me do all the work,” he mumbled into the silky sheets and Seungri just laughed.

“I’ve been doing the work the past few times. Plus, you look pretty nice on top of me like that.”

“Pervert.”

“We just had sex, is that the time to call me a pervert?”

“Yes,” Jiyong grumbled into the sheets, then rolled around and looked up at Seungri who shook his head and grinned.

They were quiet for a while, Jiyong staring out of the far too big window of the bedroom.

“Jiyong?” Seungri asked after a while.

“Hm?”

“Stay tonight. You don’t have to leave.” Jiyong turned around at that, surprised by the request.

“Okay? I can do that. I mean, I can’t say I want to get that look from the security guy downstairs again. But in that case, we’re taking a shower now. Because I will not sleep in this sticky mess.”

Seungri’s eyes lit up and Jiyong suspected the other man was up to something.

“Shower sex?”

“Only if you actually clean me up afterwards. Insatiable. The youth of today.”

“I mean, I’m only like, what, two years younger than you? But whatever I guess. Now get your skinny ass up and under the shower.”

“Don’t insult my ass.”

 

 

[19:24 To: Jiyong] take me somewhere i can forget my shitty family  
  
[19:31 To: Seungri] meet me at my apt at 8. trust kwon jiyong to make you forget  
  
[19:32 To: Jiyong] sounds ominous but im taking whatever rn

 

 

“A karaoke bar? Seriously? That’s supposed to make me forget?”

“We’ll order some drinks and then just sing to your heart’s desire. I swear it helps. And you don’t even have to be able to sing.”

Seungri sighed but didn’t complain all that much anymore. He was still sceptical, Jiyong could notice as much, but he couldn’t blame Seungri at all for that. He had probably had something along the lines of drinking until they forgot their names in his head. Which they could still do if the karaoke bar didn’t work as it was intended to.

 

 

[02:33 To: Jiyong] thank you. that really did help.  
  
[02:34 To: Jiyong] i like your singing voice. its really nice  
  
[02:36 To: Seungri] youre welcome, told you itd help, didnt i? and thanks  
  
[02:37 To: Seungri] i like your singing voice too tho, its much softer than mine. I like that  
  
[02:37 To: Seungri] maybe we can record smth sometime? if u wanna  
  
[02:39 To: Jiyong] r u serious? ive never done that before tho so ill probably be shit  
  
[02:40 To: Seungri] we all gotta start somewhere and ill be there to help  
  
[02:40 To: Jiyong] then its cool I guess? id like that  
  
[02:40 To: Seungri] (;

 

 

“What’s it with you and Seungri, Jiyong?” Seunghyun asked one evening out of the blue. “You’re at his beck and call.”

Jiyong looked up from his notes for a new song he was working on. “Am I? I don’t know, he’s kind of okay I guess? Going out with him is like little adventures I think. He’s interesting. Like, his life seems so perfect, but I have this feeling that, in reality, it’s really fucked up.”

“So what is this then? Scientific interest? Pity?” Jiyong shook his head.

“No, none of those. He’s an interesting person and I just enjoy spending time with him?”

“You like him.”

“Not in the way you mean it. What’s with you and Daesung?”

Seunghyun rolled his eyes but smiled. “Don’t change the topic. But fine, it’s going really well. We’re dating, taking it slow. We went to a book shop the other day and then went to this really nice café afterwards.”

Jiyong snorted but he was still smiling. “Sap. But I’m happy for you. I hope you’ll get married and I hope you’ll wear the dress.”

“I would look damn good in a wedding dress.”

 

 

Friday night had come around and this time they had decided to just skip the club and go to Seungri’s apartment straight away. Jiyong had decided that if Seungri could ask him to stay until the next morning, he might as well cuddle up against the other man as he had been meaning to do for quite a while.

That was how his head had ended up on Seungri’s naked chest. The other man had not complained and instead started to absent-mindedly play with his hair. Seungri knew he probably had to dye it again soon, the roots were starting to show. He was not quite sure about the colour yet though. Maybe white or maybe green. Red, maybe.

“That night you took me to the karaoke bar… My dad called me a faggot and hit me. Right across the face. Like you see in movies and you always think it’s totally exaggerated but… he actually did that shit.”

Jiyong frowned and turned his head a little to look at the other man. “I’m sorry. That’s not okay. Neither of those things.”

“I know. And it’s not your fault, you know.” He ran a hand through Jiyong’s hair. “I thought you were a prick, at first. Careless, self-absorbed.”

“Funny, I thought the same thing about you.” Jiyong smiled but he felt subdued somehow.

“I hope you changed your mind.”

“I did.”

“So did I,” Jiyong said and shifted, straddling Seungri and grinding against his crotch.

 

 

[14:56 To: Jiyong] i just heard you only want me for my money. is that true? )’:  
  
[15:12 To: Seungri] yes my secret has been uncovered i want to marry you and then kill you in your sleep  
  
[15:14 To: Jiyong] well damn thats not very nice of you  
  
[15:14 To: Jiyong] in that case i will not marry you gotta sell the ring again  
  
[15:17 To: Seungri] i hope my fictitious ring was pretty  
  
[15:18 To: Jiyong] extremely but u aint getting it now  
  
[15:19 To: Seungri] ):

 

 

It was a Saturday morning and Seungri had taken Jiyong to an American style diner that served pancakes for breakfast. With loads of maple syrup. There was a Santa Claus figurine standing on the table and Jiyong was unsure whether it was still or already there. But since it was already November it was reasonable to guess it was already there, put there by some Christmas enthusiast. Hope dies last.

“Jiyong? Can I… ask you something?”

Jiyong nodded. “Sure.”

“Can I take you out on a date? A proper one? Not pizza at 3am and not breakfast after sex the night before? Something fancy, I mean.”

Jiyong felt his heart skip a beat. He wasn’t even sure how he felt about Seungri, not in detail. Yes, Seunghyun had been teasing him about it but he had always, almost automatically, denied, there was anything like feelings involved in their whole… relationship. Whatever that relationship entailed.

“I….” He was very well aware of the fact he probably looked like a fish on land with the way he kept opening and closing his mouth, trying to find the right words (and failing at that). Seungri’s cheekbones were tinted in a slight red as he went back to eating his pancakes.

“Right, sorry, I… just a joke.” He laughed nervously.

“Yes,” Jiyong finally managed. “Why not?” He could give it a try at least, right? Wow, Seunghyun and Youngbae would get to hear all about his nerves and growing anxiety. Seungri looked up, beaming and maybe that alone made his anxiety worth it a little. Okay, Jiyong, sappy. What the hell.

“Really? That’s great, I… I was unsure whether you’d say yes, you know? I know a place you might like? It’s kind of pretty. Nothing too fancy it’s still supposed to be fun, right? Like, middle fancy. Does that work for you? When do you have time? Maybe Wednesday? Does Wednesday work for you?”

Jiyong laughed a bit at Seungri’s excitement. “Sounds good to me. All of it. Text me the time and pick me up? After all, you invited me, I want the full service.” He smirked.

“Exactly what does full service entail? This is our first date and I do not get into bed with people on the first date.”

Jiyong laughed. “Fine, I accept your standards.”

 

 

[17:36 To: Youngbae] Bae i fucked up why did i say yes to this date i cant do this

[17:49 To: Jiyong] calm down, its just a date and itll be fine? Youve texted and you kinda know each other already so and you both have a crush on each other so

[17:51 To: Youngbae] it will NOT be fine and i do not have a crush on the rich brat

[17:52 To: Jiyong] i talked to Seunghyun i know everything including how whipped you are

[17:52 To: Youngbae] the rat he will pay i am NOT WHIPPED

[17:53 To: Jiyong] whatever lets you sleep at night

[00:34 To: Youngbae] i miss u Bae ):

[00:39 To: Jiyong] miss u too and honestly your date will be fine youll have fun and make a good impression

[00:45 To: Youngbae] thank u (:

 

 

True to his words, Seungri had brought Jiyong to a nice restaurant that didn’t have Jiyong on edge because it was so fancy he had to make sure his elbow had the right distance from the table or something like that. Jiyong would have stood out too much anyway with his newly dyed hair. It was bright green and Jiyong was pretty happy with it even though he had also dyed half their bathroom green. At this point Seunghyun just let out an exasperated “What the fuck, Ji,” but he got over it quickly.

Seungri had taken it upon himself to work the grill while Jiyong leaned back and nipped at the red wine he had chosen.

“You dyed your hair,” Seungri said and Jiyong raised an eyebrow. “It suits you.”

“Thanks.”

“You kind of look like Tinkerbell going through her teenage phase. In a good and cute way, that is.” Jiyong looked at Seungri incredulously.

“Tinkerbell going through her teenage phase? I mean… I kind of never really thought about her going through that. But you know, she literally dies if she doesn’t get enough attention, so I think it’s reasonable to say she’s in a constant teenage phase.” Seungri laughed loudly at that and Jiyong couldn’t help but smile as well.

“Seungri? Do I get to feel special because you took me out on a date? Or do you… like, do that often?” Jiyong asked after a while in which they had talked about this and that, laughing and smiling and teasing. Seungri lifted his eyebrows at that, his mouth opened a little. Surprise was written in his face.

“You… I don’t take everyone out on a date. Hardly anyone, really. Well, the girls my dad makes me take out on a date because he honestly wants me to find a fiancée.” Seungri grimaced. “But… I haven’t dated anyone seriously for a while.”

Jiyong hummed and watched as Seungri’s face slowly gained colour, a bright shade of red. He guessed he wasn’t off much better. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks as well when he slowly realised that he was, indeed, something special. Why, he couldn’t really tell, but whatever.

“Thank you. It’s… nice to hear.” He shrugged, unsure what exactly to say to that. “I’ve tried a few times lately, with the dating, but nothing really… clicked. Anyway, I think the beef is burning,” Jiyong changed the topic but to his credit, the beef actually seemed to be burning.

 

 

[01:21 To: Youngbae] Bae can we skype i kinda feel like im panicking

[01:25 To: Jiyong] ugh ure lucky i just woke up ofc we can talk im more asleep than awake tho

[01:26 To: Youngbae] see u in a moment

 

 

Youngbae did indeed look sleepy when he answered Jiyong’s video call. “Hey, Ji, what’s up? You okay?”

Jiyong had wrapped himself into a blanket, opting for the human burrito tactic of dealing with problems. Healthier than others, probably, but still looked kind of ridiculous. “I don’t know. I’m… scared.”

“Of what? Did Seungri treat you alright? You had your date tonight, didn’t you? Did he try anything funny?” Youngbae had always been protective of Jiyong and it made him smile a little. It was nice to have someone care about him like that. It was weird that Youngbae was still gone for a bit, even though it wasn’t that long anymore.

“He was fine. Wonderfully cute, actually. He… He drove me home and gave me a good night kiss and – don’t look at me like that, it was actually cute, okay? – and now I don’t know what… He… what do I feel, Youngbae?” He bit his lip and hoped he didn’t look as much like a lost teenage boy as he felt.

Youngbae stared at him for a while and then grinned a little and Jiyong was ready to stomp his foot in frustration but said foot was securely underneath the blanket of his burrito disguise and he didn’t want to move. “Dong Youngbae! Stop laughing at me.”

Youngbae sighed. “Jiyong. What even are you afraid of? There’s no letter that’s coming via post like ‘Dear Mr Kwon, you are in love with Seungri. Marry and have kids.’”

“We’re two men, how are we going to have kids?”

“Adoption, dumbass. But that’s not the point. Do you enjoy spending time with him? Do you miss him when he’s not around? Does he make you smile? Do you get the famous butterflies in your stomach? You don’t have to tell me but just… for yourself. Think about the answers, yes? And forget about your dramas and Hollywood movies. Love doesn’t really have to be like that. Gee, I thought you were a grown man who has had relationships before.”

“None of them invited me out for a really nice dinner, offered me their jacket when I said I was cold or gave me a good night kiss instead of fucking me after the date. Not that sex is a problem but, you know, it’s just different.”

 

 

“I just hate pretending I’m happy all the time. Even when I’m not happy. I hate how I have to put on this perfect front. Like, my whole family I mean,” Seungri said quietly as he lay next to Jiyong on his bed. “I don’t even know what the whole point of all of this is. Like, what am I doing with life when I have to pretend everything is perfect while my dad takes out his bad mood on me?”

Jiyong bit his lip because honestly, what could he say? He couldn’t say he should just leave everything behind and run away with him because that was something that happened in movies. And throwing away the whole company and everything Seungri knew… that would have been a bit too much to ask of him. Plus, Jiyong didn’t even know what they were, and he doubted strongly that Seungri knew any more than he did.

Jiyong gently pulled Seungri closer and reached over his waist to take his hand. “Come here, be my little spoon. It’ll work out one day, yes? I know those days that suck, but they will pass.”

Jiyong could feel Seungri slowly relaxing against him and he kissed his neck ever so lightly.

“Man, this is so gay,” Seungri mumbled.

“Shut up before I knee you in the balls.”

 

 

“Jiyong? I… I think I’m falling in love with you,” Seungri said. They were once again on the roof top of some random building. Seungri seemed to have a big love for them and Jiyong couldn’t deny the charm of being able to look around all of Seoul at night. It was a nice aesthetic, the many blinking lights in the dark city. But Seungri’s words were ringing in his head, making him feel numb all of the sudden.

“Oh. I…” He felt like the famous deer in headlights. And maybe a bit like Bambi’s mother when she had realised she had been shot. “You… are?” Even to himself his voice sounded weak and he had this premonition that this was not exactly the reaction Seungri had hoped for. More like the one he had feared. He did indeed look scared when Jiyong finally looked up at him.

“But you aren’t falling for me, am I right?” Seungri asked quietly and Jiyong panicked. He felt like someone had pulled out the ground from underneath his feet.

“I’m sorry, I don’t really know, I… Need… to think,” Jiyong choked out and turned around, more or less running from the roof, down the stairs, almost falling on the way down. Why were there so many stairs? He hoped Seungri wasn’t following him, he couldn’t really deal with the disappointment that would surely radiate off Seungri in waves. And he couldn’t even blame him. After he had almost screamed on the elevator that took him the rest of the way down, he took a relieved breath when the cold night air hit him in the face. It also made him realise he was crying and hadn’t even noticed.

Jiyong wiped at his face and began to walk into the rough direction of where his apartment was. Of where home was. He just wanted to hide in his room and not think for a while. He really needed to figure out the mess he was in and he wished someone else would do that for him. It wasn’t even like he hadn’t expected it or that he was totally against the thought – he was just so goddamn scared because it had to be perfect, this time, he wanted something perfect. The real deal. But how would he know this was it?

 

 

He was still crying and, by the time he arrived at home, shaking from the cold, only to find Seunghyun sitting on the couch and texting someone with an infatuated smile, probably Daesung. Seunghyun looked up though when the door opened and closed with a bit too much force.

And Seunghyun really was a great friend because the moment he saw what state Jiyong was in, he dropped his phone and walked over to him, wrapping him into his arms tightly. Jiyong, who usually found Seunghyun’s insolence for being taller than him was unmeasurable, appreciated it this time that he could just bury his face against Seunghyun’s shoulder and cry. The taller man gently rubbed his back, holding him close.

“What happened, Ji?”

“He… he said he was falling in love with me and I ran away because I didn’t know what to say because this whole thing scares me so damn much. I don’t want more heartbreak.”

Seunghyun sighed and gently manoeuvred them over to the couch, making him sit down but keeping an arm around Jiyong, who curled up against him immediately, much like a cat.

“What scares you?”

“I don’t want to be dropped for someone better. And don’t you dare telling me that if he does that, he doesn’t deserve me anyway because my heart will still be broken.”

“If he just wanted you for sex, he could have had that, if that’s also some worry. Like, he’s only making it more complicated now. So I think he genuinely cares about you. Or is starting to, I mean, he did say he was falling for you. Kudos for honesty there. I can’t believe I’m telling you to give it a try with Seungri of all people.” Jiyong sniffled but smiled a little.

“I’m still scared. What if he’s not the right one?”

“You’ll never know that unless you try. By the way, the latest rumour about you two is that Seungri ties you up in bed.”

Jiyong groaned. “You have entirely too much fun with that. Besides, he doesn’t. And never will now that I rejected him.” Jiyong buried his face against Seunghyun’s chest and Seunghyun awkwardly patted his head.

“You could just, you know, talk it out with him?”

“I could also just die.”

“For fuck’s sake, don’t be such a drama queen, Jiyong. Talk it out and then frolic happily into the sunset.”

“You make it sound so easy…” Jiyong knew he was whining at this point but he couldn’t help it. He just felt really miserable.

“If he likes you enough to take the step to actually confess, I don’t think this little bump will make him reconsider everything. Ugh, I’m not qualified for this talk. Can’t you, like, call your sister?”

“No. And now I’m going to sleep. This is too awkward.” He got up and disappeared into his room, wiping at his still tear-streaked face inconspicuously.

 

 

Jiyong did not sleep for a single minute that night. Which was why he sneaked out of the house at roughly 6am. It was maybe even colder than the evening before and he was pretty sure that after one night spent first crying and then not sleeping, he probably looked about as shit as he felt. When he stood in front of the apartment complex in which Seungri lived, it  
was still far too early.

Jiyong spent half an hour contemplating his existence in front of the building until he decided to just fuck it and go in.

 

 

After a small almost-fight with the security man at the front desk, he finally got onto the elevator and up he went towards Seungri’s apartment. The closer he got, the more anxious he got and the more he wished he could just turn around and leave again.

And finally, he stood in front of Seungri and stepped into his apartment. Both of them were silent and it was more awkward than he had ever experienced it being with Seungri. That included spilling a whole mug of hot coffee over Seungri and fighting him in the middle of his workplace, starting rumours all around campus. Although Jiyong had to admit that one was a close second in discomfort.

“Hey,” Jiyong finally said and managed a small smile.

“Hey, Jiyong.” At least Seungri looked approximately as shit as Jiyong did himself.

“So, um… can we talk? Because I kind of fucked up there last night,” he admitted and felt like crying again but, hell, he wouldn’t cry. Not yet.

Seungri had tensed at the first sentence and Jiyong could not blame him because the sentence was probably the scariest in the entire world. He had somewhat relaxed at the second sentence though.

“Depends on what you wanted me to think, I guess?” Seungri said, quiet and oddly not cheerful.

“I…” Jiyong gulped. Fuck, this was daunting. Maybe he should have taken Seunghyun or Youngbae to hold his hand. Okay, wait, no that would have been ridiculous. “I’m scared, you know? Because I think I like you? Hell, I cried all the way home, I must like you. But I’m such a perfectionist and I also want this to be perfect, I think, and I panicked because I didn’t know what to say, and…” Jiyong felt so small and he could feel tears burning in the corner of his eyes and shit, why was he always so emotional?

Seungri bit his lip, looking torn, and Jiyong wished he knew between which things he was torn. Finally, he took a step towards the older man and took his hand in his. It was awkward and betrayed that neither of them really knew what to say or do.

“What even does that mean what you just said?” Seungri asked and he had to laugh a little and Jiyong could feel his tears rolling down his face and yet, he was laughing, too.

“It means I think I’m falling for you too and please forget the way I reacted yesterday because that wasn’t how I should have reacted. And it means that I would like to try dating you and that I hope that if you say yes to this, it will work out because I kind of don’t want you to not be in my life.”

Seungri smiled and reached out to gently wipe away Jiyong’s tears. “Stop crying, yes? Because I want to kiss you right now and kissing people who are crying is really… I don’t want our first kiss that’s not connected to sex to be when you’re crying, you know?”

Jiyong couldn’t help but laugh at that and helped Seungri wipe away his tears.

And finally, Seungri leaned over, one hand gently cupping Jiyong’s cheek as he kissed him so softly that Jiyong wanted to melt into it. So that’s what he did, until the kiss ended and Seungri leaned his forehead against Jiyong’s. And so they just stood there in Seungri’s penthouse that was flooded with light and Jiyong reached for Seungri’s hand and interlaced their fingers, then gently squeezed his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> The last scenes, from when Seungri confesses to the end, were written to [ Lost One by Epik High ](https://youtu.be/LvofNApz01I)
> 
>  
> 
> Come scream at me on [tumblr](https://pinkhimchanism.tumblr.com/) or [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/pinkhimchanism/)


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